Trying to get back to life

This week has been pretty good. It was a little rough trying to get back to work. With being so tired and exhausted from the chemo treatments, it was so hard to get up in the morning. But, I managed and have made it to work every day this week (except for Monday of course). There's been quite a bit of illness going around the school but thankfully, so far, I've managed to avoid it. I'm praying I continue to stay healthy. Tomorrow is our last basketball game of the season. I have to say it's a bittersweet feeling. It's been an interesting first year and it's sad to see it end but I'm also glad it's almost over. Next year will be so much better with this canser behind me!! I'll actually be able to do marching band this summer and coach during the summer and during football season! It's just going to be a much better year. Monday is my last chemo treatment. I'm so glad I'm going to be done and onto once a month treatment. I am NOT however, looking forward to the bone marrow biopsy. I'm actually kind of freaking myself out about it after the last time. It was so painful......I'm just very nervous. But, I know God will get me through and the results will continue to be positive =) Almost there!!!!

One more to go

Today's treatment went well. My hemoglobin count was still decent. Actually higher than what it was last Thursday. My white count is still low, only 1.4 which is slightly lower than last week and my infection fighters are low as well. All this means I can get sick very easily so I need to be careful. They've got me on quite a few anti-biotics to help ward off any sickness. I heard alot of kids at school are sick which isn't really good for me. I really need to get back to work.....can't afford to be off anymore. But, I also can't afford to get sick. On top of it all, I found out today that I have to have a bone marrow biospy done before I start chemo. Was NOT happy about that. They are so painful.....I hate them. I have to be completely recovered from this course of treatment I'm finishing up, then get the bone marrow, then start maintenance. But-I'm still almost done which is great and the doctor said I'm doing great which is even better. So-almost there!! Just gotta get through next week and this stupid bone marrow......ugh.

Tired of being exhausted

I have been sleeping all day. And yet I'm still tired. I know it's because my counts are low but I am so sick and tired of just being so darn tired. I'll find out my counts tomorrow so hopefully they're going UP!! I missed the concert today, which is a bummer. But, I keep telling myself-"You're almost done!!" 2 more treatments until maintenance. It is going to be such a great feeling when I'm finally done!! I so sick of getting chemo!!! But I'm almost there. And I'm still hoping to have that party!! I'm thinking about just getting together at CJ's. It'd be easier on me. Yes, you'd have to buy your own dinner but hey! We're celebrating me kicking this things butt!! =)

My sister is turning into me with ER visits. She went to the ER last night due to gallbladder pain. They gave her some drugs and home she went. But today, the pain was pretty bad again so back she went. This time she said enough was enough. So, they're going to take out her gallbladder in the morning. Keep her in your prayers!! Logan told her he put her owie in his pocket lol. Too cute.

Exhausted

I didn't make it to work today.....I didn't make it to my game tonight. I have been laying around all day and I'm still tired. I would have to say that the last 2 weeks have kicked my butt. And I am SO GLAD it's over!!!! I'm hoping to get enough rest and start feeling better. I have chemo again on Monday but it's nothing rough. I'm ready to get back to work, get back to life. I didn't have any fevers last night, PTL. So, keep those prayers coming. God is working!
On a different note, I am completely frustrated with how things are going. I love my job, I love living in this area so I don't want to move away. But, I think I'm going to have to move. They've been showing the house quite a bit the past week and it's just getting so frustrating. I can't afford to buy this house. I can't find a roommate to help me out. So, I think I may need to find a new place. Which is so frustrating because I hate moving. I really want to stay here but I'm not really sure how to do that. I'm trying to focus on getting better and pay my medical expenses, I don't want to have to worry about trying to afford a mortgage. So, just pray God works something out. Because I know He will. He always provides. My God shall supply all my needs, according to His riches in glory. No worries.......
And-I believe I forgot to let everyone know that Owen is doing fine. He was able to come home yesterday PTL. Now, Bri has to get her gallbladder removed next week. So keep her in your prayers!!

Rough stuff = done

I made it through the last 2 weeks.....PTL. Today, before they started chemo, they took a CBC to see how my blood counts were looking. And they are loooooooow. The doctor thinks that by Saturday, they'll be completely down to zero, which isn't exactly good. If my hemoglobin gets below 8, then I have to have a blood transfusion, which I do NOT want to have. My white count is already only at 1.5 which means I can easily get sick. So, they started me on a couple anti-biotics to help me fight off any illnesses that may come my way. I have to watch what I do and where I go all weekend. She said it's up to how I feel but don't push it. So, there is a good possibility that I won't make it to my games this weekend. We have a band/choir concert on Sunday that I'm supposed to be at so I'm praying I can make it to that. Actually, I'm praying that my counts don't crash and I'll feel fine. Right now, I'm just completely exhausted. After the last 2 weeks of chemo and the last 2 nights at my sister's, I'm ready to sleep in my own bed. So, pray that I feel ok and PRAY that my counts don't get any lower. I do not want to end up in the ER having to get blood. Yuck. But, the good news is, I made it through! Only 2 more treatments until maintenance starts!!! YIPPEE!!!

Crashing

I am SO ready to be done. I am exhausted beyond belief. Sick of getting chemo every day. But, only ONE MORE DAY!!! Only bad thing is is that my doctor told me today that she thinks my counts are on there way down and by the beginning of next week, they will have crashed completely. So, I'm going to have to watch it. I could very easily need blood by next week and feel completely disgusting. I'm praying that that doesn't happen. So, please pray with me!! I am almost done. I can see the finish line! And I plan on having one heck of a party to celebrate once I'm done!! So I hope EVERYONE can make it!! It's going to be called the "I kicked this b*tch of a canser's a*ss party" pardon my french. I am SO READY TO BE DONE!!!!!! Praise God for getting me through.
On a side note, I am at my sister's for the second night in a row. Owen, my 3 week old nephew, had to have surgery this morning for his stomach. He had a stenosis, which is where the tube leading into your stomach is too narrow, therefore the food can not get into his stomach. He was constantly spitting up everything he was fed. So, he had surgery this morning to fix it. Everything went fine and hhopefully he'll be home in the next couple of days. So, it's been one heck of a week!! And I'm already exhausted from chemo so keeping up with these 2 is even more exhausting. Especially, while as I sit here, Logan is throwing toys down the stairs....=S KIDS!!!

2 more days

Made it through yesterday and today ok. I'm very, VERY tired after today though. I had to get I.T. today, which is the spinal chemo. Not fun. We had to be at the hospital by 8:30 so I was up by 6:30 which is way to early for me. So I am exhausted. 2 more days of the rough stuff. Almost done!!

Soap Box

I do not feel well. I have not felt well since mid-week of last week of my 4 day treatment. I have to start all over again tomorrow. And yet I'm not allowed to be in a bad mood?? Well, excuse me. Please go through what I'm going through then you tell me how YOU feel and if you really feel "chatty" or perky. Seriously. Ok-off my soap box.

Next Saturday, Feb. 21st, Romer's Catering in St. Henry is hosting a Girl's Night Out. This is for women only and cost is $25.00 a ticket. The night includes a dinner buffet, a comedian, fashion shows, makeovers, 50/50 raffle and more. Proceeds from this evening will be given to myself for help with medical expenses. So-if anyone is interested, I have tickets or you can go to any of the Romer's and pick up tickets. I am SO grateful to Romer's for this event. So, hope you all can attend!!

Week one-DONE

I really, REALLY wish I did not have to go through all this again next week. This week has totally kicked my butt. Last night was no exception. I woke up at 2:30 drenched in sweat. My temp was 102. I didn't fall back asleep until 4am, and thankfully the fever had gone down. But, low and behold, this morning when I woke up, it was back in high force. Along with a huge wave of nausea. It's so hard to get through this. I'm almost done, I'm almost done, I'm almost done, I'M ALMOST DONE!! 7 more treatments-7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7!!!!I CAN DO THIS!! I have the power of the Lord to get me through. I just can't wait to be done with next week's treatments. These fevers are really getting to me. I pray I feel well enough to make it to work tomorrow at some point. And I definitely don't want to miss the game. So, keep praying and I'll keep fighting.

So much for that

I feel awful. I went to bed last night feeling ok. I woke up around midnight with a fever but was freezing and I could not stop shaking. I grabbed extra blankets and a heating pad just to warm up and took some tylenol for the fever. About 2 hours later, I was up again. Got rid of the heating blanket and the extra blankets and tried to go back to sleep. About 6am, I woke up again. This time my fever was 102 and I was sweating like crazy. I took a mild temperature shower, then went and sat in my car in the garage to try to cool down. Took more tylenol, ate a bowl of cereal and went back to bed. Needless to say, I did not sleep well all night and was exhausted when I got up to go to treatment today. To top it all off, I have a sore throat and my chest is starting to hurt. I told the doctor right away today and she gave me an antibiotic to start on. My temperature is finally down, as it stayed in the 102 range most of today, but I feel nauseous now. I'm hoping and praying that I don't start vomiting now. I've made it through the past 3 days without doing it so I pray I make it the rest of this week and next week's treatments without it as well. As for these fevers, I pray I don't get anymore of them. I just want to be able to get a good night's sleep tonight but I have a feeling the fever will return tonight. Tomorrow's my last day of treatment for the week. I pray I feel well enough on Friday to make it to work. And if not work, I pray I make it to the game. It's senior night so I don't want to miss out. So, keep praying. Pray that I make it through!! Because right now.....I feel awful.

So far, so good

So, I made it through day 1 and day 2 and so far, so good. I did get sick in the middle of the night last night and I've had a low grade fever all day but at this very moment, I feel pretty good, PTL. I just ate some chicken noodle soup-first I've eaten all day. All's I could manage to eat was saltines. I felt awful all day, so tired, and the fever didn't help. I'm hoping and praying that I continue to make it through this. I have a ton of anti-nausea meds that hopefully help when needed. I've been taking tylenol every 4-6 hours for my fever. If it gets to high, I'll go outside for a bit or take a tepid water shower. I will get through this! God is with me and has been with me from the very beginning. And I know with His help, I will be fine. Keep praying!!

On a side note, I could really use a roommate to help out with living expenses. This whole being off work and I just found out I'm not going to be getting paid through the summer......really going to put a hurtin' on me. But, I will be going back to CJ's in the next couple months and can always pick up shifts there this summer for extra money. Ms. Terri-please keep me in mind for any shifts opening in the summer =) But, it'd still be nice to have someone to share expenses with. God will provide. I have no worry's.

Bald is beautiful

Bald men are never looked at strangely. But bald women are. What is wrong with America? Bald is beautiful on anyone. Especially canser patients. Because it shows just what we've been through to get healthy. And that's what's happening to me. Or happened I should say. It's definitely strange being bald. The first time I lost my hair, it wasn't as bad as this. So this time is much worse. But, I know that after these next 8 treatments, I'll be done with the treatments that cause the hair loss and my hair can finally start growing back for good. I am so nervous for this week to start. Tomorrow is not going to be fun. I have 2 different types of chemo to get at the office, both of which make me feel awful. Then, it's off to Lutheran for my I.T. chemo which is the spinal shot. HATE IT!!! So, definitely not looking forward to tomorrow. Or the next 2 weeks for that matter. So, keep me in your prayers!! My weekend has been pretty good. Yesterday, I spent the day with my sister Bri. We went to the mall, then to a movie (He's Just Not That Into You-SUPER GOOD!!!), then to Applebee's. I figured I might as well get some good eatin' in while I still can, as the next 2 weeks will be hard to keep much down. I pigged out at Applebee's. Even had dessert. And tonight, my mom is coming and taking me out to dinner wherever I want to go. One last good meal before tomorrow. Granted, I do not look forward to being weighed at the doctor tomorrow, as I feel like a cow but not eating much the next 2 weeks will make up for it. And, I"ve been trying to exercise more and after these treatments, I'll really start to exercise and get ready for summer!! I haven't decided where to eat yet......I figure I'll decide at the last minute. Sooooo, 8 more killer treatments, then 3 not so bad treatments, then MAINTENANCE!!! So ready to be done.......

A few more random things

26. I am scared to death to see myself completely bald, which is what is happening right now. I can not describe to you how hard and painful it is to watch what little hair you do have fall out completely and see bald spots on your head. Worst thing ever.
27. I miss the house I grew up in Convoy. It was the coolest old farm house. There was an old back staircase in the attic that went down into the junk room downstairs. You couldn't use it but it was so cool.
28. I still remember the Christmas when I was 6 (I think that's how old I was) when I got my first keyboard. I remember walking in the living room with my sister and seeing the bike she got. I thought Santa didn't bring me anything until my dad pointed out the keyboard. I still have it, it just doesn't work unless you rig the cord.
29. I am a complete Friends addict. I've seen every episode at least twice and can recite lines from the show. I dare you to challenge me at the Friends Scene It DVD edition. I will so kick your butt. Ask my sisters lol
30. I'm still best friends with my best friends from high school. One lives in Columbus and I don't see enough and the other, we have dinner at least once a month.
31. I quit band the summer before my sophmore year because I was too busy hanging out in Van Wert with not a very nice group of people. Once school started, I regretted quitting and rejoined. I still very much regret alot of that summer but you live and learn.
32. When I was a freshman in high school, I was scared to death of the juniors and seniors. Thank goodness my sister was a senior and some what protected me lol.
33. I had the worst attitude when I was in high school and treated my cheer coach like crap. I was so disrespectful. Funny thing is, what goes around comes around because when I became I cheer coach, I got it all back, twice as bad. And now my old cheer coach is one of my nearest and dearest friends.
34. I love seafood. I can eat an entire package of crab meat in one sitting. So good.
35. The first time my sister met her now husband, we were crusing in Van Wert. He was the passenger of another car. Funny thing is-she told me I got the passenger and she got the driver. When we finally stopped them to talk, I told her she got the passenger (which she was pissed about) therein starting there relationship. Funny how things work out.
36. I have been engaged before but it was for all the wrong reasons. I was more in love with the fact of being in love and the idea of a wedding than anything else. I ended it 3 years ago with no regrets.

So over it

I've pretty much snapped out of my funk, thank God. I kinda had an epiphany I guess. The last time I had this chemo, I ended up in the hospital with a high fever. I had just gotten my port and they were worried it was infected already. BUT, it wasn't. The chemo itself causes high fever's. Soooo, if it gives me fever's this time, I'll know it's just the chemo and I can stay home. Take tylenol, cool down, rest and it'll go away. Yes, the vomiting will suck as I know it causes that too, but I'll make it through. Missing 2 weeks of work is going to suck but once I'm through this, I'll be home free!! And I can not wait for that!!! So, I'm not worrying about it. I will get through it just like I've always done. God is still with me and always will be =)
On another note, I have a question. Do you think I've defined canser or has canser defined me?? The other day someone told me that I shouldn't let it define me but I don't think I have. Canser does not have me, I have canser. By the tail, stomping the crap out of it!! It's just a phase of my life.....and to be honest, a phase that has helped shape me into who I am. I am such a better person, a better christian. God has blessed me so much through the past few months. Its been a rough road but I've made it through and will continue to make it through. I am so ready for the next chapter in my life!! Bring it on!!

Getting worse

This morning was a very rough morning. I stood in the shower for over a half hour watching my hair go down the drain. All I had to do was run my fingers through it and wads of it were in my hand. Granted, I don't have much anyways but it was starting to grow back. Yes, I had a feeling the last leg of treatments was going to make it fall out but it's not easy. Very depressing. But, I'm almost done. I keep having to tell myself that. Even with as nervous as I am about the coming 2 weeks.....I'm almost done. But that's not enough. This is too hard. I don't even have the want to go to work but I do it because I need the money and I love my job. I don't know what to do. I keep praying, asking God to show me the way....help me through it. I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to be strong and positive but I've hit a rough spot.

Exhausted, stressed and half depressed

I have not been in the best mood the past few days. And I can't seem to snap out of it either. I am so tired. It's been such a long weekend with no sleeping in (well except for Friday with school cancelled but I didn't sleep in much). Yesterday, we had Mini-Cavs cheer camp from 9-3 so I was at the school by 8:30 and didn't get home til about 3:30. Then, had to be back for the game at 6. We won both Friday and Saturday night, which is great. Cavs are doing pretty good this year, which is exciting. The little girls did fantastic. Today is my sister's birthday. Happy birthday my sister!! =) We went to Bandidoe's after church today to celebrate. It was great to see her and her family. My new nephew is so precious. I could just take him home!! I wish we lived closer so I could see them more. I'm finally home, trying to relax. All I want to do is sleep but I know I won't sleep tonight if I nap now. So, I'm going to watch the Super Bowl and hope the Cardinals win. Hopefully I wake up tomorrow in a better mood. I'm stressed out about money. With missing work due to chemo, sickness and cancellations, my checks aren't very big. Plus, I start 2 weeks of super rough stuff next Monday and I'm so nervous about it. It made me so sick last time....so who knows if I'll make it to work at all those 2 weeks so that'll kill the paycheck. So, I'm stressing about money and finances, which I know I shouldn't. I'm trying to be positive and keep telling myself that God will provide. He always does. But, my moodiness is getting the best of me. The nervousness and tension of the coming treatment is stressing me out and half depressing me. I know I just need to fight through it like I always do and once I get through it, I'll be home free....onto maintenance and DONE!! I can not wait. I'm so sick of this and ready to be over it. My hair is falling out like crazy again which is so annoying. Not saying I have much to begin with but still. So that doesn't help the mood any. When you shower, and your hands get covered in what little hair you have......doesn't make for a good morning. SOOOOOOOO, just keep me in your prayers. Pray I make it to work every day this week, full days. I could use 5 days on my check. Then, next Monday I start the rough, rotten stuff. And I also have I.T., which is the spinal chemo. YUUUUUUUCK. And, this stuff makes me vomit and gives me high fevers. So, keep praying. I know....I KNOW God will not leave me and will continue to help me fight this. Not much more to go. One more heavy push and I'm through to the other side. More blessed than ever. Just gotta make it through.....I can do it. I can do it......