Reflecting on 2008

As I sit here, thinking back on 2008......2 words come to mind: heartache and pain. This year has been such a rough year for me!! And it started in January with Travis (my then bf, whom I had thought I would spend the rest of my life with) suddenly moving to Chicago. And it was either leave my family and dreamjob and move or stay here. I chose to stay here so therein lies the heartache. But, you live and learn and boy did I learn!! Staying here was definitely for the best, (considering what happened later in the year) and I know Travis is much happier in Chicago and I wish him nothing but the best!! Soooo.....the first few months of 2008 were heartache. Then, in April, started the back pain. Severe back pain and back spasms. As the months past, the pain got worse. I saw doctor after doctor, all of which were giving me different diagnosis. I was constantly in the ER until finally my mom said enough is enough and we saw a specialist in July. That was when I landed in the hospital for the first time EVER for surgery on my spinal fracture. After 5 days in the hospital, I came home and thought I could finish the second half of the year great. But, 2 days after getting out of the hospital, I woke up in severe pain-AGAIN! Back to the ER to find out I had yet another spinal fracture. So, on July 28th, 2008, I landed in the hospital once again. This time, finding out the devastating news that I had the C-word. Acute Lymphoblastic Leukimia. This was NOT my life. I barely remember the first week in the hospital. I was so sick and in so much pain, it's all a blur. But, I was NOT going to let it get the best of me and after only 3 weeks, managed to get dismissed and go home. And 3 weeks later, was in remission. The past 5 months have definitely been rough. Making trip after trip to Ft. Wayne for chemo. Countless times in the hospital. Life has definitely been rough and hey, let's say it...has SUCKED!!!! But, there have been some good points. Meeting Rascal Flatts (yes, again-man are they hot!!;), my vacation to Virginia Beach, my job, my co-workers, my students, my family, my friends, and my relationship with God. This year has taught me SO MUCH about who I am, who my true friends are, and that through Christ, all things are possible. Without God, I know....I KNOW I wouldn't have made it through this year. He is my rock and my salvation and without Him, I would be lost.....maybe even dead. So, in closing this chapter of my life called "The Year 2008", I want to say thank you to my family. Mama-especially you. Without you by my side the past few months......I can not tell you how much I appreciate you. I love you!! My sisters-Bri and Trina. Brianda-without you, I would be lost. A part of me would be missing. You are my very best friend and don't know what I'd do without you. I love you my sister!! Trina-I am so blessed and thankful that God put you in my life before I got this horrible disease. You and your family have been so great through all of this and your faith has helped me more than you know. I love you! My friends-Sara Ro, Am, Michelle, Christa, Ang G, many more friends, my Highmarks family, Ruckman, my co-workers, my cheerleaders, my students!! You guys all rock and I love you all!! Thank you to everyone for your fundraising efforts, donations, gifts, thoughts, and prayers. Keep them coming in 2009! And if I've missed anyone-I apologize. There are so many wonderful people in my life!! And you-this awful, horrible thing we call cancer-IN YOUR FACE!! I have beaten you and I will continue to beat you until you are dead and gone forever. You will never again ruin my life or get the best of me. And to 2009-I am SO ready. Bring on the new year! I hope and pray this year brings health, wealth and LOVE! hahaha....May God bring a new man into my life ;) So-bring on the New Year! And good riddance to 2008!!

Nausea

Well, I woke up this morning feeling fine. Got up to get ready for my day-Church, then Christmas at my Aunt Betty's, then work at CJ's. I decided to eat breakfast before showering so I sat down and ate some cereal. Not even 10 minutes after I finished, I got hit with a huge wave of nausea out of nowhere. Normally when this happens, it's no big deal. I take an anti-nausea pill and am fine. But not today. I had to sprint to the bathroom and yepp.....lost it all. So, it completely ruined my day as I then felt like crap. Missed church, missed Christmas. I knew I couldn't miss work so I slept until about 3:30 then got up to get ready. I felt slightly better and PTL, made it through my shift. Feeling better now, just tired. I'm just completely bummed that I missed Christmas. I missed thanksgiving with this side of the family so I was really looking forward to seeing everyone at Christmas but no....stupid sudden chemo barfing binge. I hate how they come out of nowhere. One minute, I feel great and the next, I'm losing dinner! Sucks. But, thankfully, for the most part, I've been feeling pretty normal. It's been nice to be working at CJ's again. Especially having a little extra money. All these bills are stressing me out!! I'm hoping that I can pick my Weds. night bar shift back up in March. That's when I'll begin my maintanance chemo which is mainly pills. I'm hoping I'll continue to feel as great as I have been (dispite the occasional nausea). It's amazing how this whole expierence has changed me. I feel like a completely different person. God has blessed me so much and I am so thankful for everything He has shown me and done for me. Without Him, I would never have made it through.

Thankful

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! I know I did! It was so nice to spend time with my family and watch my nephews open their presents. They were both so excited. Especially Logan, who is 2. He would open one and just want to play with it, not caring he had more to open!! He's too funny. At one point last night, I thought back to last Christmas.....before cancer. It's so stranger to think back with me having cancer now. So unreal. But, the good news is, I felt just as normal this year as I did last year, which is a true blessing from God. I am so thankful to be here, enjoying another Christmas with my family. And so thankful that I felt like a normal person....cancer free!! And with God's good graces, I'll be cancer free for the rest of my life.

Chemo Tuesday went fine. There was a girl scout troupe there singing Christmas carols and playing bingo. I won 2 bingo games =) They also had cookies and hot chocolate for us. Such nice girls. The weather started to get bad while I was there so I ended up staying at my sister's. I'm now done with this course and have one more to go before I start maintanance. I don't go back until Jan. 5th and I get my bone marrow tested that day. I should start the last round on Jan. 12th. This last course is going to be tough, as it contains the stuff that makes me sick. Not looking forward to it but I know it's needed for my treatment. I'll be so glad when this is all over!! I am definiately sick and tired of feeling sick and tired!!

Merry Christmas!!

I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! I hope you all have a safe and wonderful holiday with your families as we rejoice in celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior!

Merry Christmas!!

Too funny

Some quotes I've found that made me laugh hysterically or were just good quotes. Because you've GOT to have a good attitude in order to fight this disease called cancer!!

Go ahead....poke my port
Dear cancer: You are a sorry piece of s#%* that's messed with the wrong person this time! I will destroy you and love every minute of it!! -Me
I shaved my head because I have cancer so quit staring!
I love the smell of chemo in the morning.
Stupid Chemo imtooyoungforthis.org
My oncologist is my BFF
I have cancer.....cancer does NOT have me
Hair design by chemo
I pay my oncologist big bucks for this hairstyle!
I've got chemobrain, what's your excuse?
Cancer may have started the fight....but I will finish it
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
I'm confused....wait!....maybe I'm not. (Just blame it on the chemo)

There are so much more but it would make this post reeeeeeeeaally long if I posted them all. Tomorrow is chemo day....YAY! haha Not really but it's a fact of life. The weather is supposed to get bad again tomorrow so I'll most likely end up staying at my sister's. I HATE driving in snow and ice. Hopefully the weather will be ok for Weds so we can get to my parents for Christmas. I'd love a white christmas but it sounds like it's just going to be a wet one!!

Who needs a title?

My weekend went pretty good. Friday night we played New Bremen. Lost, which was a bummer but that's ok. Last night, we played St. Mary's and won. It was our first home game and I felt like I was running around like a crazy person! My legs were so sore today! I think it's from all the walking and climbing the bleacher stairs. But, I'll live. Last night was so fun. I love coaching and at home games, the pep band is there so I broke out my saxophone last night and played. =) Today, I completely overslept for church. Not sure what my problem is lately but I've been sleeping way to much! After the Bengals/Browns game, which the Bengals WON!!!! I cleaned my house and got the lasagna ready for our cheer Christmas party here tomorrow. So, now I'm just relaxing. I'm so excited for Christmas and spending time with my family!

School's out til '09!

Well, school was cancelled again today. So far, our game in Bremen is still on, so I'll have something to do tonight! Now we're off school until Jan. 5th!! Thankfully, I'll be busy during those 2 weeks so I shouldn't be bored. I can't wait til Christmas! I love spending time with my family and I can't wait to see them all. I have chemo on Tuesday so hopefully I feel well during the holidays!

Weather

School was cancelled yesterday and I assumed we'd go today but apparenly I was wrong. I don't think it was that bad this morning but I could be wrong with back roads and such. Tonight, we're supposed to get more bad weather so who knows if we'll go tomorrow. I've been SO BORED the past couple of days!!! We start christmas vacation after tomorrow, which I'll be busy during that, better than sitting around here which is what I've been doing. So, we'll see what happens with the weather tonight and if we go to school tomorrow. Gotta love winter!!

You got the better deal......

So, I got a text tonight from my sister (love you!). She said she was looking at a picture of us from the Rascal Flatts concert in May and complaining about how much thinner her face was then. My reply was: and I had hair! She got pregnant and I got cancer. I told her she got the better deal. My sister-you are beautiful inside and out and being pregnant makes you that much more beautiful! You are going to have a beautiful, cute little baby and once you have that, you'll lose whatever extra weight you may think you have chasing your kids around! It won't take you long at all to look like that picture. No worries =) I, on the other hand, will take awhile, most likely a year or two, before I look even close to how I looked in that picture. My hair looks like peach fuzz, and until I'm done with the stupid chemo, it's not going to grow too fast. And my face and the rest of me.....I feel like I've blown up like a freaking balloon!!! So, you my sister, definitely got the better deal. But, that's ok. I would much rather be the one who has the cancer. =) You just be the one who has lots of nieces and nephews for me to love and spoil. You, my sistere, mean the world to me and are beautiful ALL the time. And you have the greatest husband and family to be thankful for! Both of my sisters do. And I'm so thankful to have such a wonderful family. I just wish everyone was closer. I hate being alone in this town. I know....I'm complaining. But, it's my blog, I'm allowed! And, to top it all off, I got my gas bill today and about passed out. Bills and money are really starting to stress me out. I have so many medical bills and my rent, gas, utilities, grocery's. It's just overwelming. Yes, I have insurance. But there are some things that they are either disputing or not covering so it's money out of my pocket. And I'm starting to worry. BUT-I know God will provide. He always does. So, I will give it all to Him to take care of. And I'll worry about kicking this cancer's butt!!

On a side note-I encourage everyone to go to www.standuptocancer.org It's a great website raising money for cancer research!!

One more week

Only one more week of school, then we're off for 2 weeks!!! I'm so excited for Christmas break. I absolutely love Christmas and am so thankful to be here. It's been a very busy weekend. I've barely been home so I haven't beenable to relax much. Friday night was the game, last night I worked at CJ's, and today was our Christmas choir concert. It was a nice weekend but I'm ready to relax!! This week will also be a busy week so I'll be super ready for a nice 2 weeks off. It's been nice to work at CJ's twice this week. It gave me a little money to buy my family Christmas presents!=) God has really blessed me and my family has been so wonderful. I'm so thankful to have some extra money to get them gifts. And-some great news for today-the Bengals actually WON!! haha....I was so happy and shocked! So, all in all a good weekend but this week will be long! I'll actually be at work all 5 days! No treatment this week! I don't go back til the 23rd. Praise God for that!!

First game

Tonight was the first basketball game of the season and we won =) 59-57. Very exciting.

Chemo yesterday went fairly well. It was definitely a long day though. I was exhausted by time it was all over though. I have about 2 1/2 months more of hard core treatments. Then in March, I'll start my maintenance chemo, which is mainly pills and a once a month visit to the doctor. I can't wait for that!! Maintenance will last 2 years, which sucks, but at least it won't be too bad (at least it doesn't sound too bad!) And January and February's chemo isn't fun so pray I make it through that without any sickness!!

Well, I'm exhausted still from yesterday and today's long day so I'm off to bed. Tomorrow night, I'm working at CJ's again so I need to be rested! ;)

First night at Highmarks

Tonight was my first night back at Highmarks. I shared a party of about 20-25 people with another server and it went great. I had some trouble carrying the large tray's but the other servers helped out which I REALLY appreciated. My legs and back are only a little sore but other than that, it was so great to be back!! I'm actually thinking about picking up another shift on Saturday evening. It's nice to be out and around my Highmarks friends again. But, I'm going to wait and see how I feel tomorrow. I had a wonderful birthday dinner with my family last night. Very good food. I have treatment on Thursday and it includes the I.T. which is the spinal shot.....YUCK! The week of Christmas I have to get a bone marrow biopsy. Merry Christmas to me!! Not looking forward to that but we have to make sure I'm still in remission. Which I know I am. God is continually healing me on a daily basis. I am so thankful and blessed to be feeling so well. I pray that I continue to feel good. Well, I am wiped from my long day so I am off to bed!

Birthday wishes

Today has been a great day. Thank you all for your birthday wishes, singing =), cards and gifts. I'm so thankful for being here another year. God has blessed me so much this past year. It's been a rough 4 months but He has gotten me through and will continue to do so with His wonderful grace. I've been doing so great lately and I'm so thankful for that. I hope and pray that I continue to feel great. It's been so nice to be at work every day. I love my job (I know I've said that before, but my job is the BEST!!) and I enjoy getting up every morning and going to work. So, I'm off to Mongolian Grill with my parents to eat....YUMM!! Chow for now!

weekend

Well, my weekend was pretty good. Yesterday, I spent the day with my sister in Ft. Wayne. It was a great day but since the weather got nasty, I ended up having to stay at her house. My nephews loved that! =) It was great to spend time with all of them though. Today was our Christmas band concert at school. After that, my brother took me out to eat for my birthday tomorrow. So, by time I got home at 7, it was the first time I'd been home to relax since yesterday morning!! I am so TIRED!!! But, it was a great weekend. My cold is finally going away, PTL! Tomorrow, my parents are coming down to take me out for my birthday. We're going to the Mongolian grill....yumm!! I'll be 26 and I am so grateful and blessed to be here after everything I've gone through this year. And I wil continue to kick this cancer's butt!!!

Blaaaaaahhhhhh

Well I THOUGHT my cold was going away but I'm still fighting the stupid thing. I keep sneezing and my nose is running.....yuck. I just want it to go away!!! I need to feel better by the weekend!! Saturday, my sister Bri and I are going to hang out all day for my birthday. So excited! =) Monday is my actual birthday and my parents are coming down to go out to dinner with me. What do I want for my birthday, you ask?? HA Do I need to answer that? I want something that I can not have yet....NO MORE TREATMENTS!! But, I still have 2 more years of this crap. Oh well....thats my life I guess. And I'm getting through and kicking butt, which I will continue to do. But, I still plan on having a good birthday this year ;) I'm so thankful and blessed to be here another year!!

Getting better

Today was treatment day and it was loooooong! I was at the office for 5 hours!!! Not fun. But, my cold is going away and the doctor said my counts are good so I should be getting better. I stopped in at CJ's tonight and actually picked up a serving shift for next Tuesday! =) I'm so excited! I want to slowly try and get back to work there so I figured one night would be good. It'll probably take me a bit to get back to my regular Weds night bartending shift, as that takes alot of heavy lifting but I will do it!! I've been feeling pretty normal lately, which is great. It's been so nice to go to work everyday! So, I'm excited to work at CJ's again. God is truly healing me and I am so blessed and thankful for that. I know I've been kinda down and lonely lately and worried about where I should live but I know God has a plan for me. I just have to pray for His guidance and be open to what He has in store. And be patient....which if you know me at all, you know that is something I lack! haha ;) So, I am trusting in the Lord with all my heart and leaning not on my own understanding. In all my ways, I'm acknowledging him and I know He will direct my path straight!! =) (One of my favorite bible verses!)

Yesterday, I put up my tree. Yes, all by myself. Very heavy but I did it!! So my house is all nice and Christmasey =) Stop by and check it out!!