Skin

Ever since I was diagnosed with leukemia, the song Skin (Sara Beth) by Rascal Flatts has been stuck in my head. So, I thought I would post the lyrics. I loved the song when it first came out but now it really hits home and has a whole different meaning to me.

Sara Beth is scared to death, To hear what the doctor will say
She hasn't been well, since the day that she fell, And the bruises just won't go away
So she sits and she waits with her mother and dad, And flips through an old magazine
Till the nurse with the smile stands at the door, And says will you please come with me
Sara Beth is scared to death, Cause the doctor just told her the news
Between the red cells and white, something's not right, But we're gonna take care of you
Six chances in ten, it won't come back again, With the therapy we're gonna try
It's just been approved, it's the strongest there is. I think we caught it in time
Sara Beth closes her eyes.
And she dreams she's dancing, Around and around without any cares
And her very first love is holding her close, And a soft wind is blowing her hair
Sara Beth is scared to death, As she sits holding her mom
Cause it would be a mistake for someone to take, A girl with no hair to the prom
For just this morning, right there on her pillow, Was the cruelest of any surprise
And she cried when she gathered it all in her hands, The proof that she couldn't deny
Sara Beth closes her eyes
And she dreams she's dancing, Around and around without any cares
And her very first love is holding her close, And a soft wind is blowing her hair
It's quarter to seven, that boy's at the door, And her daddy ushers him in
And when he takes off his cap, They all start to cry
Cause this morning where his hair had all been, Softly she touches just skin
And they go dancing, around and around, Without any cares
And her very first true love is holding her close
And for a moment she isn't scared

What an interesting treatment day

Yesterday, Monday, was my treatment day. It started out normal. My friend Sara picked me up a little before 9 and we headed to Ft. Wayne. The office was really busy so everything seemed to be taking forever. My appt was at ten but I didn't even start my treatment until 12:30. I had to get a shot in my hip and an injection in my port, both of which I've had before. Last time, the shot in my hip was 2 seperate shots since it was so much medicine. This time, for some reason, it came in one shot, which I questioned but the nurse said it should be ok. So, I got the shot in my left hip. After you get the shot, you have to wait an hour to make sure you don't react. So, after an hour, we left. I was hungry for Olive Garden so we went there for lunch. As we were sitting there eating, my leg started to itch. I didn't think much of it until my elbows started itching. I looked and I had huge bumps all over them. I ran to the bathroom quick to check the rest of me and my legs were completely covered in bumps. I started freaking out. I ran back to the table and told Sara we had to hurry back to the office. By time we got there, my arms were covered, my eyes were red and puffy, and my tongue was swelling. Freaky. When I got to the office, I have never seen them move so fast. They reaccessed my port and immediately gave me hydrocortisone and benadryl. After about 20 minutes, I was still itching so they gave me more benadryl. Now, most people fall asleep after one dose of benadryl so after 2, they said I'd be out. No such luck. The rash started to go away but then for some reason, came back worse!! At this point, it was almost 5 and the office was closing so the doctor said there was only one thing left to do since it was getting worse.....go to the ER. I was not happy about this as every time I go there, I get admitted. And, she said I had to go in the squad! Great!! So I went to the ER in the squad (the lights weren't on as is wasn't an emergency) and on the way there I got more benadryl. Yeah, I should've been out like a light but I wasn't. The rash started to go away again at the ER but after about an hour, it came back worse again. This time, I was given more benadryl (yeah most people would've been out cold after this much) and an Epipen injection, which is adrenaline. After about an hour, the rash disapeared and the dr released me, thank goodness!! But, halfway home, it started to come back!! I didn't want to go to the ER again so I just took more benadryl and prayed for the best. You'd think I would've slept great last night after all that benadryl, but no such luck. I slept horribly. But, I did wake up this morning and the rash was gone. So, yesterday was a very interesting day. Today's been pretty normal. I went to work this morning and plan on going back full time tomorrow. I'm ready to get back to normal!!

What a weekend

I had a great weekend!! The wedding was so much fun. Sara looked so beautiful! And it was so great to be OUT OF MY HOUSE! And better yet, seeing my friends and just hanging out and having a good time. I had a lot of fun. Today, I went to church then went to Delphos with my dad to see my grandma. She's in a nursing home and isn't expected to make it much longer. I pray God takes her peacefully home. Then I went to Lima since I was halfway there. Dad came along. We ate at Golden Corral...yummy, then stopped at the mall quick. I wanted to pick up a SpongeBob lamp for Logan for christmas. I can't wait to give it to him. He loves his SpongeBob =) Too cute. So, tomorrow is my treatment day but it should be a good day still. This treatment doesn't bother me like last week. I'm going to try to go to school this week full days. I've got to get back!! Friday is our first playoff game which I'm excited for! It should be a great week!

Bring on the rain

Well, weds evening, my temp ended up getting over 103. Yeah, way to high huh. So, my stepdad ended up taking me to Lutheran ER AGAIN at 10 that night. And I ended up being admitted....AGAIN! And here's the best part (sense sarcasm here) when the doctor saw me today, he said it was only a chemo fever and I could have just stayed home and taken tylenol, there was no need to come to the ER. WHY DIDNT THEY TELL ME THAT LAST WEEK??? He said the type of treatment I got last week and this week is known for high fevers. Since I'm getting further into remission, its starting to affect me differently. I felt fine yesterday but since I didn't get admitted until after midnight weds, I couldn't see the dr til today so I had to stay. The doctor said I only need to worry about a high fever if my counts are low and my counts are up and good so.....Next time, I'll stay home!! He cleared me for all normal activity. He even said I could go to the game, just stay warm and dry. So, I'm going but I'm not going to stay the entire time. I just want to see the halftime show. I know we'll win so no worries there =) Tomorrow I have a friend's wedding to go too. I'm so excited because I havent seen my friends in forever!! I feel pretty good and I'm ready to get back to normal. Next weeks treatment is only one day and this particular type of treatment doesn't bother me so I should be good. Ready to get back to work!!! GO CAVS!!

Not again

Well, I totally meant to make it to work today but my head hurt and of course, I felt nauseous. So, I ended up falling asleep. Now, my head still kinda hurts, I don't feel well, and I have a slight fever. Praying I feel better tomorrow and Friday, get through the treatment and get to work! Please pray for me!

Great kids......great community

I was able to make it to work today which was great! WhenI got there, I checked my email first thing and I had an email from the elementary princi pal. Apparently, on Friday, a boy came into the office with a large tub of change. He said he wanted to donate it all to me. He didn't want it counted, he said he had been saving it for his family vacation but instead decided to give it to me! What a sweet little boy!!! I'm hoping to meet him this week to give him a big hug!! This just shows how great of a school and community Coldwater is!! They have all helped me so much with giving to all the fundraisers...it's just so overwelming at times!! I can''t say enough how proud I am to work at Coldwater and be a part of such a wonderful school and community. THANK YOU ALL!!! You are truly all God's angels on earth.

So, tomorrow is treatment.....the same kind as last week. I pray (and ask for your prayers as well) that I stay healthy this week and for the weeks to come!! I think I'm close to being done with the hard stuff and in the next month of so, treatment should get easier but let me tell you....I don't think any of it's easy. I still sit back sometimes or look in the mirror and think "Is this my life?? " A year ago this is not at all where I thought I'd be. Funny how God's plan is so different than what you plan. He always knows best. He allowed me to get this disease because he knew I would kick its butt and WIN THE FIGHT and come out stronger in my faith and stronger in life. It's a hard disease to fight but I AM DOING IT!! I will BEAT this thing to death and be the healthy, happy person I was before. Yes, I'm happy now. I absolutely LOVE my job. I hate that I'm not back full time yet but I will be soon. My family has been so great. My friends-I MISS YOU ALL!! I haven't seen anyone in ages it seems! My CJ's family-wow, I really miss you guys!! When you're working, you think you're sick of the place (haha) but believe me...when you're not there, you miss it!! And I miss you guys!! And my golfers =) Hope they're treating you well KC!! Hopefully, I'll be back soon! I thank EVERYONE for all your thoughts, prayers, donations, and fundraiser efforts. You have all been so awesome!!

Well, I'll post tomorrow and hopefully be feeling good. I don't want to miss the game Friday!! =)

Still doing ok

I'm still feeling good with no fever, which is good. I still think it was the chemo.....the same chemo I'm supposed to get this week. Mom and I are going to talk to the doctor though to see if we can change it as it seems to always set me back. I'm going to work tomorrow with hopes of going Weds-Friday as well and getting back to the football games. This Friday is the last regular scheduled game then we're onto tournament which I'm SO excited for! I need and AM GOING to stay healthy. I have complete faith in God that He is going to pull through for me and make me 100% healthy! He is an awesome God and continues to bless me. Thank you all for your continued prayers!

Home again

Well, I didn't make it to the rest of my treatments or work the rest of the week. I ended up being sick all night Weds and getting a fever of 101.7. So, I ended up in the Lutheran ER on Thursday morning. They got my vomiting under control but my temp was still high so I got admitted. I was NOT happy. They ran a bunch of tests and stuff. I woke up today feeling much better. I think it was the chemo that made me so sick because this happened the last time I had this type of treatment too. But, the doctors are worried it may possibly be my new port. But, when the dr came in today, she said so far the blood cultures on the port are negative and since I was feeling better, she let me come home, PTL! So, now we just have to pray that the port is fine and the doctors can figure out why I keep getting sick. Keep me in your prayers! I just want to feel great and get back to my life. I HATE missing work and football games!! Right now, I'm missing the game and it sucks. But, the Cavs are winning which helps. So, GO CAVS! And pray I stay healthy.

bad day

this is the week of 4 day treatments and today was not a good day. I feel awful. Please pray I feel better and I can get to my treatments and to work the rest of the week.

Sunday, sunday

Today was a good day but I've been so busy doing things, this is the first I've sat down and gotten comfortable!! And it's almost time for bed. But its been a good day and I'm thankful for that. This week is a 4 day treatment week so I'm praying it goes well and I keep feeling great through it all. I've got to get back to work full time and keep it that way otherwise......BUT I refuse to worry about it because I know God is in control. So, its been a great weekend. Praying for a great week! =)

Amazing people

All I can say is WOW!! Last night, at the game, I was presented with 2 more fundraiser checks, totaling over $5800.00!! Coldwater FCCLA-Thank you so much!! First, the car wash, now the Penny Stall. You guys have raised so much money for me and I can never thank you enough!! To my band students, Mr. Ruckman, Mr. Lehman, and the band boosters-You guys are the best!! I absolutely love the Win the Fight bracelets and for you to donate all the money from the sale of them is so wonderful!! And people are still buying them!! I can never thank you enough for all you have done!!

I have never felt so blessed with all of these fundraisers. I definitely wouldn't be able to pay my bills without this money coming in. And there's still more fundraisers being planned!! I know the freshman and sophomore class at Coldwater is planning a dance with proceeds going to me. CJ Highmarks ((I miss you guys!!) are also planning a benefit for me on Weds. Nov. 12th from 4-10. All tips and a proceed of the evenings sales will go to me. They are also holding some auctions as well. I am so overwelmed with all of the fundraising efforts. It means so much and I truly appreciate it. Words can not describe how thankful I feel. God is SO AWESOME and you are all truly his angels in disguise!! THANK YOU!!!!

Quick update

Just a quick update to let everyone know I'm doing great. The past 2 days, I've felt great and I couldn't feel more blessed. God has been so great to me. I'm praying that I continue to feel great. I'm trying so hard to get back to work full days (I've only been working 1/2-3/4 days) butI don't want to rush it or push to fast. I know God is continuing to heal me and I'll keep feeling better and better. Tomorrow is going to be another busy Friday with work and the game tomorrow night. It's our JH band show, where the 7th and 8th grade bands march with us. It's also All Squad Night which means the 7th and 8th grade as well as the JV will cheer with the Varsity. So, it's going to be a busy night. But, I'm looking forward to it!! =) Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Treatment Tuesday

We made it to Bri's last night close to 9. Both boys were still up and were pretty excited to see us. Logan was pretty wound up but he is so funny. Definitely great to see all of them. We got up at 5am (YAWN-so tired!!) and were at the hospital by 6. On the way to the hospital, I really wasn't as nervous as I was the night before. God is so great in calming nerves! They did the I.T. chemo first, which by time I got checked in and all ready to go, it was 830. As soon as they were done with that, they flipped me over for the port placement. The numbing was probably the worst part. The gave me anastesia (however you spell it....happy drugs lol). It didn't knock me out, just made me drousy. I had to fast the night before from midnight til after the procedure. By time they were done, it was a little after 11. I had to lay there for an hour to make sure I didn't have any sort of reaction. It was still pretty numb so I wasn't really in pain but I could barely move my neck due to the numbing medicine. Sooooo, after we left the hospital, I was starving of course, so we went to IHOP. I had strawberry crepes....SO GOOD!, along with eggs, toast and bacon. I felt pretty good which was great. But, after we were done and got in the car, I started to get nauseated for some reason. I tried to do deep breathing and keep it together but I knew it wasn't happening. I asked mom to pull into a gas station but I didn't make it that far. At the stop light, I had to open the car door and.....well......yeah. You get the idea. The light ended up turning green and I told mom who cares, just turn on the flashers. There was no way I was making it to the gas station. So, after all that was done, we made it to the doctor's office ok. I told the doctor my morning and she said I got sick due to the happy drugs and eating then moving in the car. Needless to say, I felt great after we left the doctor, which I am so thankful for. Since I felt pretty good, mom and I headed for the mall =) We were there for over 2 hours. I had an Auntie Anne's pretzel ( I LOVE THEM!!!). After that, we ended up going back to my sister's for dinner, which was nice to spend more time with them. We left there around 8 and got home around 930. So, it has been a looooooooong day, but all in all, a fairly decent day. God is so great in answering prayers. Thank you all!! My port is starting to hurt a little, which the doctor said it would be tender for a few days. But, after a few days, it should be fine, so we'll see. My counts were high, which is great, PTL! And, I'm feeling great (except being tired, but I've been up since 5!) So, I should be able to work the rest of the week and get to the game. The next 2 weeks is 4 day treatments but NO I.T!!! So, hopefully its not too bad. Thank you for your continued prayers. God is so great and has blessed me so much through all of this. I know He'll continue to get me through.

Pray for me

Tomorrow's the big day.....and I have to say I'm slightly freaked. I'm not 100% sure how they're going to put in the port so I'm nervous. They're doing the I.T. chemo first then flipping me over on my back to put in the port. I have to be there at 6am. After all that, we'll go to the office to get my regular treatment. So, you're prayers would be greatly appreciated. I'm praying everything goes ok and I won't be in any pain. I'm also praying that I feel good the rest of the week. Yesterday and today, I felt a little....well, the only way to describe it is blah. I felt nauseated and just plain tired and blah. I took a nap today and felt pretty good afterwards and I feel good now. So, hopefully that's past. Well, your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated. Especially tomorrow as I go through this surgical procedure. I know God will be there with me the entire time, helping me through it.

Busy weekend

So far, the weekend has been pretty good. I was able to go to work every day except Tuesday, due to treatment. I went to the game last night in St. Henry, which we won-GO CAVS! =) And this morning, I went to the JV game at home. So, I've been busy. I did come home today though with a headache so I took a nap (a long nap lol). Now, I'm just taking it easy in front of the TV. This Tuesday, I have to be at the hospital at 6am!!! Way to early for me but it's the only time they could get me in so they can do the I.T. along with putting my new port. So, Monday night we're going to go stay with Bri since she lives in Ft. Wayne. That way we don't have to get up so early. It'll still be too early for me! But, I can sleep after my treatment I guess. I should feel well enough this week to go to work and the games again. I'm hoping and praying from here on out, I feel good so I can be back for good. I know God is still healing me but I need to take it easy and not over do it. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. It means so much to me!

Better day

Today was definitely a better day. I was able to go to work again for second half of the day. Tomorrow I plan on trying to go for 3/4 of the day and Friday the whole day. The doctor told me yesterday that my counts should be good the next 2 weeks so I want to try to get in as many full days as possible. Then, in 2 weeks when I have treatment 4 days in a row, she said my counts may be down. So, those weeks I'll need to try to take it easy, which probably means half days if I'm feeling good (which I pray I am). Treatment should slowly start to not be as rough I hope. Next Tuesday, I have to get a port put in my chest. The dr said I'll like it better than my hemed because it's under the skin. You really can't tell it's there. You can shower like normal (which is great news) and you don't have wires hanging out of your chest, which is great. I'm still not looking forward to the surgery though. I pray it goes well and isn't painful. I'll also have to get another I.T. chemo that day, which Im not looking forward too. It seems like it'll be another rought Tuesday, so I'm praying it isn't that bad. So, if you'll keep me in your prayers again, that would be great! Right n0w, I'm praying that the rest of my week is great as well as my weekend. And, I know God will provide =)